Friday, April 4, 2008

My goal in life, where are you?

Suddenly, I find life meaningless. I dont know where am I heading. I dont see a ray of light shining in front of me. All I see was just light here and there; everywhere. No specific direction. I really dont know what was I aiming for all these while. Studying and studying, until one day I asked myself: "What was I studying for?"

I have no idea at all. If the answer was Knowledge I think it makes no sense cause I've alr got more than just Basic Knowledge. And in the first place I wasnt born dumb, so yupps. What is my goal exactly? Primary 6, my goal was to score well to get into a good school. But now, so what if I do well for O'levels? I wasnt aiming for JC coz I dont think I really wanna study. I am sick of it. I wished I could stop studying asap.

Last time I used to have those goals, those aims, those visions is because I dont wanna be looked down. But now, I realised Studying/ Being a Grad doesnt make much of a diff. All that matter is an occupation that last. And of course most importantly, is able to make lots of Money.
  • I used to aim to be a Actress coz I heard that I can make lots of Money with that. But someone told me that most Actresses/Actors are Grads too. Then I decided it's not a good idea, and it'll definitely affect my Love life. Lols.
  • I used to aim to be a Teacher coz I heard over the News that their salary are always increasing, and TV keeps showing adverts on 'Be a Teacher' career seminar. I was aiming to go to JC coz Teachers are supposed to be from JCs I thought. bUt then I decided I hate studying.
  • Being exposed to so many things out there, I suddenly wanna go for HairStyling, I thought I would be cool if I'd be someone like David Gan/ Addy Lee.
  • Then I thought, that requires lots of passion, so I decided to be a Businesswoman. But what will my company be doing? Selling what? Or what else manz. I really dont know.
All I know was that I want money in Life. I wanna work hard for my career, make lots of money and by around 50, I wanna enjoy the rest of my life alr. And Business would be the most suitable coz I can pass form generations to generations. I wanna be Rich. I dont want my next generation to be troubled by financial needs.
I understand that there's nothing so good about being Rich actually. But I just want it.
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I really wished I could score 20 marks lesser for my PSLE, then I wouldnt be in Chung Cheng. I wouldnt be getting so damn sick of studying. And actually I think being in such good school are nothing for me coz I still dont want to study.
I wished I was in a Normal school, then at least Life would be less tiring for me. I would needa force myself to get up so early in the morning just to go to school, not to disappoint my parents' investment on me. I have been very not Selfish all these while. I have been doing all I did for others, not myself. Until now 15 years in Life I realised for the first time I am really quite Useless to be Aslyn. Perhaps others may feel I'm much better than others out there. But you dont understand me. I am aiming for a career in which I need not needa have applications of Super Profound Knowledge. I want something Simple and can make money.

Money is the most Important thing in Life.
No Money, No Talk.

I cant afford to lose out. I wanna live the best of my Life.


But anyways, my Main Point is:
I AM UTTERLY LOST NOW. MY GOAL NEVER DID EXIST. =(

I prefer to have more of the Outside World knowledge than all these Maths, Physics, Chem, Geog, Hist Shitzx.

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